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Good girl (ptsd related)
Good girl (ptsd related) Good girl written February 27th, 2021 I have always been a good girl. It was a role that fit well. I took whatever society-family-church said I should be and tried to be all of it to prove - to show - to hide. Certainly nobody would hurt a good girl and I was such a grown-up good girl. What could there be in the life of such a good girl that I couldn't take care of myself? It's certainly the face I presented and all the things that didn't fit got put somewhere else because it was absolutely essential that I be a good girl and that nobody notice all the things that were wrong. Such a grown-up good girl even if it was wrong it must not have hurt because I always took care of everything and everyone until one day I didn't anymore take care of anything or anyone or myself. But really in all of that the whole point was to not need because nobody and nothing was taking care of the good girl. --------- Comment: (which will not post below, so here it is.) This is poetry as therapy for me. It came out as a flood one day. I have tried to rewrite it and it loses it's power for me when I do, so here is the unedited version. It feels very raw and very true. |
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Good girl written February 27th, 2021 I have always been a good girl. It was a role that fit me well. I took whatever society-family-church said I should be and tried to be all of it to prove - to show - to hide. Certainly nobody would hurt a good girl and I was such a grown-up good girl. What could there be in the life of such a good girl that I couldn't take care of myself? It's certainly the face I presented and all the things that didn't fit got put somewhere else because it was absolutely essential that I be a good girl and that nobody notice all the things that were wrong. Such a grown-up good girl even if it was wrong it must not have hurt because I always took care of everything and everyone until one day I didn't anymore take care of anything or anyone or myself. But really in all of that the whole point was to not need because nobody and nothing was taking care of the good girl.
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Sometimes that first draft is the only one you need. It's difficult for others to see your pain if you become a master at deflection or keeping it inward. I grew up keeping my pain hidden from view, and it took form of a psychic malignancy within me. Years later its easier to see how destructive that truly was. Thank you for sharing the raw version. Hugs My name is MrWrong and I approved this comment
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