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The Ann Summers Experience.....
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The Ann Summers Experience..... It was Decemeber and myself and 2 friends had the great idea of going to London to shop. Just imagine: a tall,longlegged blonde (pure brit..biggest blue eyes ever)..a completely lunatic redheaded Argentinian, and me..more spanish than English now but what the hell LOL. The other 2 had live in partners and I was married but..we had all decided that didnt count once the airplane left Spanish tarmac lol. First shock was the weather. Our lovely bright skimpy spanish clothes were of no use what so ever. The cold, as we left the rarified air of Heathrow took our breath away-literally. But, we had arrived and frankly we didnt give a damn lol. Next day was shopping..and more shopping. We came across an Ann Summers shop (spain doesnt have them...read on for Spanish equivalent lol). The girls were looking for fun prezzies for their guys (mine was far too staid for that..fun and toys were anathema) and I went for a mooch around on my own. Downstairs there was a room full of some weird and wonderful "things", but ( and what an admission) never having had or tried a vibrator) my eyes were drawn to a big area, shelves and counters. After a little while of walking up and down and looking, not touching, I saw the truly massive bright neon pink one. And of course, me being me, I just had to pick it up didnt I ?? Andddd turn it on. Well..the damn thing just kind of took off on its own. In my hand of course. Effing jumping up and down..almost turning somersaults..me trying to get some kind of control (no way on that) and of course no assistant in sight. What was in sight were my 2 friends..collapsed on the floor in hysterics. I mean, this thing was BIG..and very pink LOL. Tears were running down their faces as I desperately looked for someone to turn it off. No one. I put it back on the shelf and had to catch it again as it bounced off. Jesus. By then I was in fits of laughter myself. Another look around and there was an assistant..also in bloody hysterics!! By now my right hand and arm were aching (so was my stomachh from laughing) and the batteries showed no sign of running out ( and women USE these?? jesus christ lol). Anyway..eventually the girl did relieve me of the vibrator and eventually, we 3 managed to breathe normally again and leave the shop ...vibrator left in its rightful place lol. When we got back to Spain, I decided to have another go at buying one. By this time I had seperated and thought it was a good idea to try one out. Another friend told me there was a "toy shop" in the next town, but I had to go alone as she was working. No problem I thought. Easy peasy. Oh shit was I WRONG. Got there. Massive RED doors with SEX SHOP in big bold letters. Sooo discreet. I walked up and down for a while..then said..this is silly..you can do it. So I dived through the doors. Into a very very dark corridor LOL. I should have known then but..I was determined, so I carried on. Into the "shop". No one around. Cool. For about 5 minutes. I wandered and gasped and looked again at weird and wonderful stuff. Then..the noise started. Apparently there were viewing booths for porno movies..and it was a busy day!! Ohh man. Some guys were trolling in so I HID. there was a very tall cabinet so I ran behind that LOL. Which is where the (male) assistant found me lol. I had at that stage to explain what I thought I wanted, so he took me from behind the cabinet and over to another one. I let him choose LOL. I was too embarassed and speechless..I just wanted to LEAVE. No chance. He chose two and HAD to test them. On the counter. In front of a room full of men and rustling macs and some serious noises in the background. Man was I dyyyying. He slipped condoms (huh?) over both..stood em up, tall and proud, and switched them on. One of course didnt work. Naturally..this is me LOL. And was out of stock so we had to go choose another one. OMG. By this stage I didnt care. Eventually HE was happy with MY purchases lol, and I chosse some wrapping paper..they were boxed and handed over. I dont remember leaving the shop LOL. I was literally dying of embarrasment. Plus I could swear I had sticky stuff on the soles of my shoes..but maybe that was paranoia. Eventually got home. Put the box in the bedroom. And couldnt open it for a WEEK lol. Every time I looked at the wrapped box (nice paper lol) I just cracked up laughing. Could NOT for the life of me open it. I m glad I did tho........(laughing) This was my introduction to<b> vibrators </font></b>and the pitfalls of toy shops. And that wasnt the end of it ...oh no..not by a long chalk....but thats another blog altogether lol. Diz xx |
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H...going hsopping with me is an experience you will NEVER forget LOL. Most of my friends do it just to cheer themselves up (am going to start a wait list lol). Apart from being a klutz...I always seem to get into trouble LOL.
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J, cielo, it was sheer determination LOL. I could have given up but I am NOT a quitter LOL. Next time I m going to go with my sister in law.....she apparently knows a shop that is just a shop..with no sticky floors or rustling macs !!! If I can pluck up the courage.....
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